Laughing it Up
by A. Lee
Summary: Miscellaneous Harry Potter mini-fics. Rufus Scrimgeour passes a Marriage Law. Hermione invites him to reconsider. Later, Harry and Ginny discuss their relationship.
1. So Much For That Marriage Law

The day Rufus Scrimgeour secretly engineered the passage of a bill he'd kept under wraps and from the press, a piece of legislation that required those of impure blood to marry those of pure blood in order to ensure a healthy new generation of witches and wizards, _that_was the day he signed his death warrant. With a single signature, that which put the piece of legislation into action, he managed to offend _everyone_. He offended blood purists and Muggleborns, but most importantly?

He pissed off every single witch in all of Wizarding Britain.

Thanks to the conditions and terminology of this legislation, all intended to ensure procreation, fertility, and more healthy wizard children, certain restrictions were placed on witches in these hypothetical Ministry-arranged marriages. Restrictions witches did not like, did not approve of, and would make certain were never implemented.

While various interest groups in Wizarding Britain rallied (the rich purebloods emptied their purses trying to bribe politicians to rescind the bill, Muggleborns threatened to return to Muggle society and leave wizards to themselves forevermore, and Hogwarts refused to give its list of enrolled students to the Ministry officials that came by), Rufus Scrimgeour despaired. When had the Wizarding populace developed a spine? Fudge, incompetent and bumbling fool though he may have been, had managed to push through all sorts of legislation and the Wizarding World hadn't even noticed! He had expected them to obey authority, much like Aurors did, not fight back.

Of course, the Minister didn't even know the meaning of the term "fight back" yet.

Exactly one week after the passage of the bill, all of the witches in Britain marched in on the Ministry building. This group? Was headed by none other than Hermione Granger. They blasted aside all of the wards in their way and marched their way up to Rufus Scrimgeour's office.

"Minister, we were looking for you," Hermione said coldly holding her wand before her. Scrimgeour raised his wand defensively as well, but what could he do to defend himself against a never-ending sea of witches?

"If this is about that new bill," he began almost hysterically.

"It is about that, actually," Hermione said, with a frightening smile. "However did you guess? We," she gestured to all behind her, "invite you to reconsider."

Seized by a sudden and fatal stubbornness, Rufus declared, "No, I won't reconsider. I am the Minister of Magic! I can make whatever decision that I want." Where were his Aurors? Why hadn't they arrived to protect him yet?

"That really is too bad," Hermione said coldly, pointing her wand to his head.

'You can't do anything to me!" he protested, "I'm the Minister of Magic!"

"The late Minister," Hermione corrected, and cast her spell.

Rufus expected a flash of green light, and had closed his eyes fatalistically. When he found that he still retained all his faculties, and that the flash of light he had seen from behind his closed eyes seemed gold rather than green. He opened his eyes tentatively, only to see a sea of smirking witches.

"You didn't ... kill me?"

"Nope," Hermione smiled. "That would be going too easy on you." A pause. "Miss Scrimgeoeur."

With a certain amount of dread in his stomach, Rufus looked down. At his new bosom. And fainted.

"We'll see about this ensuring-fertiliy crap, turning decent witches into breeding machines," Hermione sniffed. And then an evil grin crossed her face. "See how _you_like it."

The End.

Postscript: Suffice to say, poor old Rufus went insane, and when Hermione was confronted she said something along the lines of, "Oh deary me, did that sex-change spell have unintended consequences and side-effects on his pscyhe? I had no idea at all, simply wanted him to walk a few days in our shoes. Well, I guess we'll just have to choose a new Minister then. No, I wasn't planning on running. This time." The new Minister was Percy Weasley, a wiser man who was far more sympathetic to the plight of the witch and rescinded the Marriage Law immediately. And eventually espoused Hermione Granger. Because someone needed to keep an eye on the Minster ...


	2. Polyamorous

The first time Harry sees Ron standing a little too close to a Muggle girl outside a nightclub, he doesn't know what to do. Or say. He is about to call out Ron's name, when Ron and the girl start kissing, and then doing a little more than kissing, and Harry distractedly Disapparates rather than see any more. He is torn – Ron is his friend, but so is Hermione. Who should he talk to? Who should he tell? What should he say?

He tells Ginny of course, seeking advice, and to his surprise, Ginny just laughs. "Didn't you know, Harry?" she asks, "Ron and Hermione are polyamorous."

"Poly-what?" Harry blinks.

"I think that's the word. It means they're in an open relationship. Hermione drew up a contract about it and everything. They can each sleep with whoever they want, as long as they each keep the other fully informed, and follow certain guidelines." Ginny shrugs. "I thought it was weird at first, but it seems to work for them." And then, she adds, eyes twinkling, "Anyways, for all you know that could have been Hermione under Polyjuice, role-playing with Ron."

Harry is beet red by now, and makes a strangled sound in his throat. His eyes widen, before he looks at Ginny with concern. "You ... That is, we- ... I mean, does everyone, er ... is it a common wizarding, er," Harry stammers.

Ginny pats him, barely holding in the bubbling laughter. "It's not terribly uncommon in the wizarding world, no, although I looked over their contract and Hermione seems to have incorporated a few strictly Muggle kinks."

(Harry blushed even more at the word "kink.")

"But no, I don't think our situation calls for an open relationship. You're already everything I need."


End file.
